Vision and Dream Boards

Vision Boards and Dream boards are a collection of pictures, words, expressions and quotes collected and pasted or tacked to a board. This board represents the desires of the board builder. For some there might be everything from a positive quote to a brand new house. 

Law of Attraction practitioners believe we attract into our lives what we think about the most. For others it’s a way to visualize goals and set a target or a destination for what they strive for. The main point of the board is Visualization; this tool is helpful to stay inspired in the pursuit of goals and dreams. I look at mine several times a day. I like to visualize and feel what I imagine it would be like to have achieved all of the goals on my board. The importance of linking the feeling to the visualization is so the brain associates “Pleasure” with your dreams and goals. If we are of the mindset that our goals are going to be “too exhausting” or “unachievable” then why the heck would we ever commit physically or emotionally to something that makes us feel bad or overwhelmed?

Just like with any habit we build we want to build a habit of feeling our dreams and goals in present tense. There is that word again “Present”. Yes we want feel as though we already have achieved the goal. This is called outcome visualization where we visualize and feel the final outcome.

In addition process visualization is helpful also because we visualize the steps of path to get to the outcome, we also feel what it feels like to achieve and work through the process of our goals.

From a scientific standpoint our brains are like powerful computers that are programmed to get a job done. When we visualize it has been proven that we are in a sense programming our computers. 

“Research has shown with brain imagery that visualization works because neurons in our brains interpret imagery the same as real-life action. When we visualize an act, the brain generates an impulse that tells our neurons to "perform" the movement. This creates a new neural pathway -- clusters of cells in our brain that work together to create memories or learned behaviors -- that primes our body to act in a way consistent to what we imagined. All of this occurs without actually performing the physical activity, yet it achieves a similar result.” – Huffington Post

Your dream board doesn’t have to be anything fancy at all. Mine (you can see mine in the back ground in my video blogs) is a bulletin board with pictures and quotes thumb tacked to it. Mine includes a photo of my dream home in the mountains, My smiling kids, a new truck, happy clients, a 350” bull elk, a 30” Brown trout etc. I spend a few minutes several times a day visualizing both the process and the outcome.

This is one strategy to take the focus off of what we don’t have and focus on what we want in life. This practice helps up define on many levels where we are going. Have fun with this tool, dream big and shift focus away from the road blocks to the possibilities. 

As always I encourage you to put your goals and dreams into action, shift your focus. As a Life Coach my job is to help you articulate your ideas and facilitate the most intense creativity you have ever had. Albert Einstein said it best “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Stepping out of the boxes that we spend our lives building is key to moving past limiting belief systems. 

My name is Ernie Garcia, I am a Professional Divorce Recovery and Transition Coach. I strategize with people to find a firm footing and discover a new path after divorce or a life changing event by shifting focus to the present and the future.

Surviving the End of a Relationship Part 3- Emerging More Empowered and Determined than Ever. The Choice is yours…..

I wrote part III to this blog and rewrote it a few different times. My goal is for it to be helpful, inspiring and motivating but at the same time practical. In the end recovering from a break up or the end of any relationship is truly up to the commitment and determination of the individual that's looking to move forward after a crisis change has transpired. What I mean by a crisis change is one that has left a person in a terrible identity crisis, one that is brought uncertainty and shook the life of the individual to the core of their being. As stated in the previous blogs when a serious relationship (one where we are deeply emotionally invested) comes to an end it often can leave both partners in a serious state of uncertainty as its marks the end of plans, goals and dreams that you as a couple shared The relationship with all that it was not only defined you as a couple but also as individuals.

The single most empowering event is often the realization that this is a chance to improve yourself, improve your life and make new plans and goals. You “can” sit for years and reflect on the past and the woulda/shoulda scenarios. You can stay angry, you can place blame but ultimately the most powerful thing you can do is change your perspective to one that seizes this opportunity for massive and drastic improvement.  This is yet another opportunity to get to know yourself and decide what exactly you desire in every area of your life. If you hate uncertainty like most of us do then this is a time to pull out your secret weapon. Your secret weapon is you’re creativity and ability to dream. The time spent dwelling on what caused the end of the relationship isn’t a very good investment because nothing will give the opportunity to do anything different with past events. In relationships we are only in control of ourselves and our role. By embracing this fact  you will be able to take control of your life and your future.

Most won’t define what exactly they want, in my coaching practice I’m amazed at times by the reluctance to write out a “Life Plan” as ideas aren’t plans. Time spent trying hit a moving target floating around in your thoughts isn’t very efficient or economical with your emotions or time. Really you want to feel better about life and fast, Right? This only happens with “action”. But without a plan where do you focus your action? The time spent staring at the wall reflecting back isn’t time very well spent if you want to take control of your life and feel better anytime soon.

The faster you can accept the end and come to terms with the fact that your life will never be the same again the sooner your efforts to move forward will become more effective. Yes in most of these situations we are left with a certain amount of hurt and resentment. Some might be saying right now, Ernie you don’t understand, this person was everything to me, we had so many plans, and nobody understood me like this person. I do understand, I understand that your frequencies and vibrations were the same for a time and somewhere along the way that all changed getting you to this point. I understand that YOUR WORLD HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I understand that feeling like this is emotionally draining and nobody likes feeling like this a minute more than they have to.

The good news is by dedicating your time and making a commitment to yourself you can become stronger and happier than ever before. Perspective and decision are so powerful and by changing perspective we can effectively view this horrible loss as an opportunity. But opportunity is worthless without defining what you want. Defining what you want is worthless without action and action is worthless without consistency and commitment. You see nobody can stop you now; the only way you will fail is if you give up and decide to take the path of least resistance..

·        Acceptance- You don’t have to like it or agree with it but refusing to accept the circumstances that led to this change in your life will hold you back and keep you from moving forward or finding long term happiness more than anything else. Embrace the change, as crazy as it sounds change is happening might as well steer the ship.

·        Perspective- A shift in perspective will help how you view this change in a way that serves you and your happiness best. Instead of focusing on all that was lost spend time focusing on what you still have. View this change as an opportunity to emerge stronger, happier and more empowered than ever. You’re going to be even sexier and more attractive when the time comes to give somebody else your heart. You’re going to know without a doubt that you can be happy and strong as an individual and your ability to be either of those two things doesn’t depend on anything external such as a relationship. In reality your sense of self is tremendously affected by what you believe about yourself. The trick to adjusting your perspective about the change you’ve experienced is to find reasons to feel good about yourself. Make changes that you feel good about. As time goes by you will learn to trust that no matter what happens or what anybody else says or does YOU will be able to figure out what is next, you always find a way, you always survive, you always land on your feet. This concept is liberating because you trust and believe in yourself.

·        Action- In theory all of this is good stuff but like I tell my coaching clients “you have to do the work”. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Time will dull the discomfort but really how much control of your life do you have if you’re just waiting for time to heal all wounds or waiting for time to improve your life? Take action; rid yourself of any thought, person or thing that doesn’t serve your sense of self. This sounds selfish and it is because I am asking you to take care of you, love yourself, build yourself up and take massive action to put the past behind and create a better more fulfilling reality.

To conclude the choice is yours to suffer until the pain dulls itself away or use this experience as a milestone and turning point to emerge the most empowered and best you. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Turn every “why I can’t” into “why I can” statements and then “what can I do today” to get closer to your dream life. I’d bet somewhere along the way somebody or something new will join you on this new journey.

My name is Ernie Garcia, I am a Professional DivorceRecovery and Transition Coach. I help people find a firm footing and discover a new path after divorce or a life changing event by focusing on the present and the future.

Be good to yourself!

e-

Surviving The End of a Relationship Part 2

The neutral zone is the time period after a crisis change has occurred and has been acknowledged emotionally. In this case it’s the End of a Relationship. This is a time for reflecting, a time where healing has begun and moving forward is becoming a reality. Obviously when we find ourselves in Neutral Zone we can experience a whole array of feelings including despair, disappointment, betrayal and grief but at the same time experience excitement, optimism, creativity and determination. For some the feelings of despair and grief can become so overwhelming that the urge to restore the broken relationship seems like the only logical solution to relieve the pain. In some cases this isn’t an option once the relationship has been terminated. In cases where it is an option it’s important to do a self-analysis and determine what is driving that urge. It might seem as though restoring the relationship is “the only thing” that will stop the heart break. This in reality is an illusion.

Whether that option is open or not it’s important to define what the ending means, define what has ended and what hasn’t, respect the past, acknowledge the ending openly and take a small piece of the old story with you as you author a new story. By taking the path of least resistance some gravitate back to the old story and when the old characters and places are no longer available they replace the old characters and places but write the old story all over again. The better option is the embrace disenchantment, acknowledge what circumstances haven’t served you well in the past, throw all caution to the wind and create a new story with new characters, places and events. 

Pain and pleasure drive all behavior, while acknowledging that the end of the relationship has been painful even in situations where the end was necessary and possibly the only option; we have to be mindful that restoring the old story may possibly be traveling the path of least resistance. It may bring temporary relief however if changes in habits and patterns aren’t reprogrammed by both parties the “old story” will eventually be relived. The myth goes something like this; “there is a perfect choice or answer”. The illusion tells us that the perfect choice will solve all of the problems.

While in the Neutral Zone we must define and map the new story, the neutral zone is the time to self-analyze and determine what serves us well and what doesn’t. We leave what is broken behind and keep what is working and move forward. Remember our thoughts generate our feelings and we become what we feel. If the thoughts and questions that consume our minds don’t promote a greater sense of self then changing beliefs is necessary, we need to begin thinking better thoughts about ourselves and asking better questions. Reminding ourselves continuously about our failures will only breed more failure. Those failures are also lessons and catalysts for change and should be perceived as such. Acknowledge failures but reinforce the fact that our past failures have no ability to define us unless we make the decision to be defined by them. That simple principle is a simple recipe creating the new story.  Also this is a time to determine what your legacy is in advance. Log your neutral zone experience, brainstorm, dream big and prepare for a new journey. What would be unfinished or what dream unlived if your life ended today? Determine your legacy.

The Neutral Zone is a time for you, a time to reflect and a time to dream. Remember with every end is a beginning. In Part 3 we’ll explore the “New Beginning” and not only surviving the end of a relationship but emerging empowered and determined like never before to achieve what you never dreamed was possible.

I am currently writing an eBook  that will be a lot more in depth than is possible to blog. If you find yourself drowning in divorce or a break up and could use a partner to assist you in strategizing your emergence from this life changing event please visit my website and contact me for a powerful complimentary strategizing session. 

Part 3: Emerging Empowered and Determined coming soon.

As always be good to yourself!

e-

Surviving the end of a relationship.

Surviving the end of a relationship. 

Part 1 An Overview

 Before publishing this blog I decided to add this paragraph at the beginning. For those who have experienced a difficult break-up, separation or divorce recently I want you to know one thing at this moment. My message to you is simply; "This isn't the end of your story". You can get up and get back on your feet,  you will smile inside again. My job as a transition and divorce coach is to help  develop the best strategy for you going forward. Ive been through this (more than once) and have discovered some helpful insights to stay focused while healing and deciding what the next move is.Not only will you survive but you will thrive once again!

Break ups often mark the end of something even bigger than the relationship itself. The break up often marks the end of a dream and the strong visualization of a shared happiness with the person that we have trusted with our most sacred vulnerabilities. When we let somebody “in” they become a part of us; the synergy and shared happiness is addicting and while it lasts creates bliss. Some have said there is no better feeling than being in love. I’ve been there, heck we’ve all been there and most of us have also experienced the sudden end to a romantic relationship that was very important to us.

I heard it put this way before with the illustration of two spiders intertwining their webs together for a period of time and then when the relationship ends the two spiders rip apart the web structure while retreating. These webs could be a number of things including emotions, trust, vulnerability, hope, dreams and a very deep respect. A new identity was cultivated during the relationship for both partners involved. The relationship started with both partners having their own unique qualities and personalities then the relationship was born the relationship took on a life and identity of its own. For some the identity of the relationship overtook the unique identity of one or both of the parties involved. Often when relationships end one or both people involved find themselves going through an identity crisis.

Whatever the reason for the demise they find themselves in whirlwind of emotion often feeling as though their whole entire world has been turned upside down. Whether it’s the person bringing the end of the relationship or the person left behind, the end of the relationship marks the death of something that once had an identity and a life of its own. The termination of the relationship marks the death of everything that at one time had made the relationship great. With loss comes grief and all of its phases. For some the grief is overwhelming and cannot be managed the same as it can be for others. 

One of the most challenging issues that people face is uncertainty; relationships obviously end for a variety of reasons but being the creatures of habit that we all are most of us have a difficult time with uncertainty. The very thought of having to pick up the pieces and start over is one that is met with dread and despair. For that reason a lot of times we stay in relationships that no longer serve our best interests. We stay plugged in and make renewed efforts to stay in the familiar. Our brains are wired in such a way that they look for the fastest solution to escape the emotional turmoil that has spawned due to sudden end of the familiar. 

Most if not all of us have been on both sides of ending a romantic relationship. The sudden change and repercussions vary and are mostly determined by several dynamics unique to every relationship including the emotional investment of each person, the duration, the health of the relationship and the level of commitment. Obviously there are many other factors and every relationship and the people involved are very unique. 

One thing for sure is that regardless of the relationship and circumstances it is difficult to move forward after our hearts have been broken. Some of us have found ourselves in a place where it’s very difficult to even consider picking up the pieces and moving forward. The devastation of the loss experienced can often leave one or both participants paralyzed. In part 2 of this blog series we will begin looking at ways to start feeling better and moving forward creating a new story and a new life. It’s not enough just to survive a break-up I believe to survive is just one step but ultimately I believe we need to thrive and this transition like many is a chance to write a new story, take the lessons and experiences good/ bad and use them to grow and improve. 

The period immediately after the demise is sometimes described as the neutral zone where we process, grieve and begin to heal. In Part 2 I will write about the neutral zone. Remember happiness is a choice and decision is powerful, I am a rut destroyer, if you’re stuck and need support moving forward don’t hesitate to contact me right away. The first 45 minute session is complimentary and will be used to define the outcome and strategize.

As always, Be good to yourself

e-

Saying all of that to say this……

 Saying all of that to say this…… 

As I get ready to say goodbye to the year 2012 and enter 2013 I find myself reflecting about the highs and lows that the present year has brought. I think about the tremendous successes that I've had, the growth, the healing that took place and all the knowledge I've gained.

 My life was transformed in such a way that looking back I can't even believe that the old life was actually mine. There were many lessons in the old life that made the person that I am today but there was also a lot of pain. But pain was the catalyst for change and is our natural “compass” so to speak that advises us to go another direction.

You see I took ownership of somebody else’s life controlling problem (which is a really nice way of saying the word addiction). I thought I was doing the right thing but when we take ownership and make somebody else’s problems our own even though we think we’re doing it out of love we are actually easing the painful consequences that come from the reckless behavior. We in essence rob the other person of the compass, the catalyst for change. We then confuse love with enablement.

My reasons for trying to help were selfish also because I wanted to ease the pain that I felt while watching this person destroy herself, her life and hurt so many around her. In the end I found my way and realized I was trying to save somebody that didn’t want to be saved. More times than not there is a deep underlying issue (or many) buried deep inside the addict and numbing that pain even for a short time is sometimes worth all the insane consequences and hurt in their clouded minds.

The duration of time spent on the pathway of the addicts destruction is up to the individuals affected. My duration was around 18 months and included arrests, car wrecks, lies and just about anything else that comes to mind. For a long time I wouldn’t reveal what happened, I would’ve rather lied about it. But the coward named addiction hides in the lies and denial of the addict and their loved ones. So my mantra now days if you will is; “F@(k you addiction, I’m not afraid of you and have vowed to Coach and write to help as many people transitioning out of situations similar to what I went through as I can.” Anybody that picks up the pieces and moves forward after a life altering event like that or worse is a warrior in my eyes and I have vowed to give the rest of my life to Coaching and Supporting them.

In the end I walked, I chose to save myself, my children and what was left of my life. I gave all my energies to becoming as clear as I could. I put together a plan starting at the end. I mapped out where I wanted to go by the end of 2012 and listed Milestones or steps to get there. I broke up this plan into small, measurable pieces so it didn’t seem so overwhelming. The first few weeks were the most difficult. I used the illustration of rolling a huge boulder up a hill knowing that when I got it to the top and released it the weight and momentum of my huge plans would roll powerfully and effortlessly while collecting speed down the other side of the hill.

 It's amazing how much your life can change the during course of the year. I use the term New Year's resolution lightly because I believe that we have the ability to make resolutions every single day. Anything that isn't growing is actually dying when you think about it. When you see a tree without leaves during the summer it's usually dead because trees don't stay dormant during the summer. I look at it like every day is a summer day and we have a chance to thrive, a chance to grow, a chance to improve and chance to be happier than we've ever been before.

 Many find themselves in a similar precarious situation, no they might not be living with an addict but they know that something needs to give, something needs to change or maybe an uncontrollable change has happened to them. We sometimes find ourselves (often more than once) in a transitional phase. Chances are if you’re already thinking “change” then change is already happening. The course you decide to take into this New Year is up to you. Don’t be disillusioned and attempt to write the same story with different characters or places. Its time to throw all caution to the wind and go for broke!

History is full of people who have stood up to uncertainty, threw caution to the wind and went for it. If you burn inside to own your own business then visualize what it would be like to do it, feel the “Pleasure it brings and associate that pleasure with your plan. Break down the steps to attain the goal. Dream big! Huge corporations didn’t start off huge but they did one thing that so many fail to do. They started! Yes get started!

See Pain and Pleasure drive all of our decisions in life. We move away from Pain and Gravitate towards Pleasure. Whatever we associate with Pleasure is what we will gravitate towards. It’s important that we associate Pleasure to things or people who serve our best interests and sense of self. People with life controlling problems like the one mentioned earlier associate Pleasure with the feeling they get by numbing their emotional pain with chemicals. This is why addiction is so hard to overcome.

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” -Tony Robbins

 I see so many people making tons of money in a crap economy, they’re not lucky, NO! They’re innovative. They’ve harnessed their creativity; they’ve tapped into their talents/passions and made bold moves to better their lives and fill the voids. These same principles apply in every area of our lives. We fail to organize our ideas and turn them into plans. We continuously try to hit a moving target instead of defining what it is that we really want out of life. Decide! Dig deep and pin point what will fill that void of discontentment within you.

 If you’ve already determined this and are operating in your passion and “calling” then reach out and help others. To change this world we need to start taking care of each other again.

My friends I challenge you to make 2013 the best year yet for yourself, your family and friends. Dream big, get started, make a plan, set goals, and move forward. Inches turn into feet and feet turn into yards, yards then turn into miles but we don’t get any place without taking the first step.

I am looking for world changers, warriors and people ready to step into the power that lies within. If this is you I will partner with you, we will brainstorm and strategize to find the best course of “Action” to get you where you want to go. I have a limited amount of slots available going into 2013 so don’t hesitate to contact me right away.

The clock is ticking before you know it we’ll be facing 2014 and beyond. Happy New Year Friends! Thanks so much for all of your love and support. You’ve got this!

My name is Ernie Garcia I am a Transitional Coach, I help people in ruts move forward and make their dreams real after a life changing event.

Be Good to Yourself!

e-