Dealing with "Change".

Change is a funny thing, its necessary, unavoidable, can’t be controlled and ironically its one “constant” we can rely on. Many of us avoid change in certain situations because we are reluctant to accept “the unknown”. Even in the crappiest of situations we sometimes refuse to leave the box of our limited beliefs because we find comfort in familiarity, even if its turmoil, we still make choices to stay in certain places because at least we know what to expect. Some of us stay in relationships, jobs and even moods that don’t suit us because of the fear of unfamiliarity. Some of us get stuck in circumstances because we are afraid to accept that we have hit a wall and need to adjust the route from point A to point B.

I am in no way saying that we should be creatures of un-commitment or that we should give up every time that something doesn’t work for us. What I am suggesting is “nothing changes if nothing changes”. We can’t expect different results without tweaking our plans if we are not progressing. Relationships end, jobs end, seasons end, lives end and though it seems like we should be able to count on something to anchor us; really one of the only things we can count on to stay constant is that fact that nothing in our lives can be controlled but ourselves and our decisions.

Sometimes change slaps us in the face unexpectedly and often we are sent into a tailspin desperately looking for something to hold onto to regain our sense of direction. Life undoubtedly deals us blows that come at inopportune times. Its never the challenge or the circumstances that define us, its simply our reaction to the adversity that these blows bring.

Here are some tips (in no particular order) for dealing with change.

Find the silver lining, there is a gift in everything. Yes even in loss. I once met a man that had lost his wife and daughter in a car accident. This man not long after was healthy, wise and had one of the most infectious personalities that I had ever seen. His take was that instead of dwelling on the time he was robbed of with his wife and daughter, he was thankful for the time he spent and the wonderful memories he had. That’s not to say he didn’t miss them intensely but instead of being overwhelmed in his grief he found a new perspective that helped him to endure his grief and keep moving forward. He found the outlook and perspective that suited him best.

Accept the circumstance. It’s healthy to mourn and grieve, we all must be allowed to feel what we feel but there will come a time when you’re ready to move forward or when you know you have to move forward. One of the most paralyzing and debilitating things we can do to ourselves is refuse to accept when change brings uncertainty or discomfort. It’s natural to be shocked, caught off guard and even grieve when change brings loss but in order to move forward we must accept. Acceptance brings freedom and is a huge step forward in conquering our fears of the unknown.

Decide. The most powerful thing we have going for us is decision. We can decide what is best for us, the steps to get there, what options we have, what actions suit us best and how fast we are going to get from point A to point B. When the gift or sliver lining has been found and acceptance has happened, the next step is to decide what your next move is. Decide what the perfect outcome would be. It might be a better relationship, a better friendship, a better job, a brand new journey like returning to school. During this transformation and new beginning why not shoot for the stars? Make good decisions that will produce the results that you are looking for. In order to do this we need to quiet our minds from all of the voice chatter. At this point the past is gone and nothing can be changed back there. We can set the stage for tomorrow and the days ahead but in reality all we have is the present. Find whatever it takes to quiet your mind. Meditation, exercise, whatever it is and protect your “presence” and your center. You need to be centered and fully present to make the best and most powerful decisions during this pivotal time. Think about it, when were preoccupied and overwhelmed we often overlook the obvious. 

Embrace change. Change is inevitable just like pain but suffering is optional. If you look back through your life and reflect on the changes that you have been through both positive and negative, I think you will see that you have always figured out a way to weave through and move on. Some changes and circumstances were dealt with quickly and less painful than others. This is a time for growth and a new journey. A new chance to experience new things, new people, new ideas and to learn more about ourselves. I think you will find the quicker you can embrace change the quicker change won’t seem as scary. It’s crucial that we find reasons to embrace change instead of reasons to dread and fear change.

Remember you are strong, creative and have something to give to this world. Regardless of the situation don’t be too hard on yourself, love yourself and give yourself a break. Surround yourself with positive people and find the answers you need to grow and move forward. The answers are out there and sometimes we already know what they are.

Be good to yourself!

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