On to year #2.....

On to year #2.....

It’s hard to believe a year has gone since I announced via blog to friends that I was kicking off my own personal development company. I remember there being so many emotions and insecurities at the time because of what I had been through the previous year in my personal life. I am amazed how things change and how fast they change.

I have had the privilege to share what I learned with so many fantastic people over the last year. I struggled at the beginning thinking that I couldn’t possibly have the credibility to be a coach, writer or speaker. What I didn’t realize was how many people gave me credibility because of what I had experienced and conquered. Though I have much bigger plans and goals for I.S. and my coaching practice I can say I am happy with the progress in year Number 1.

Do Coaches perform weddings?

I have coached the heart broken, business owners, goal chasers, entrepreneurs, other coaches, and average Joe’s that just wanted to find purpose and live a more complete (Whole) life. I’ve been able to share philosophies and life lessons with thousands of people across the planet via blogs and videos. It’s been amazing to see the clients recover from heartbreak, reorganize businesses, move forward after loss and generally move closer to their ideal lives. 

I am truly humbled to have been a part of these victories.

For those who know me and even those who don’t but have read the various blogs and posts all over the internet you know the steps and challenges that took me from depressed and hopeless to a better place filled with hope,  determination and some of my happiest moments ever.

 I am a blessed man because of the people that invested their time and energy into helping me to get in position to chase my dreams. 

A New Look!

I shared with a young lady recently my story for the sole purpose of pointing out how fast things change and get better if we want it bad enough. We have more control than we think when we simply chose what to spend our energy on. What to spend time thinking about and simply by shifting focus to ideas that set us up to win and gain ground on our goals and dreams. Choice is powerful when we take responsibility for own happiness. Choice is powerful when we take responsibility for achieving our goals and dreams.

I am very excited for this next year and the Vision/Goals for Infinite Strides. Buckle up and be ready for blogs and video blogs that will shake up and challenge you.

Coming soon “Ok, What now? (A Practical Guide to Acceptance and Moving Forward)
 My ebook and workbook that promises to kick the crap out of divorce and break up blues.

Stay tuned……..

e-

De-clutter your mind…..De-clutter your life. Are you an emotional hoarder?

De-clutter your mind…..De-clutter your life. Are you an emotional hoarder?

When I think of a Hoarder I envision a person that is constantly bringing things into their home. I visualize this person literally filling up their space. Almost like the series “Hoarders” they just keep collecting everything in sight. There isn’t space left in closets, basements, counter tops and now the living space is filling up as well to the point that it isn’t easy to navigate through the once cozy home any longer. Though I’ve never been a hoarder the top of my dresser often is used to store change, receipts, books, ball caps taking up space and ruining the visual of a beautiful dresser. Seriously why keep convenience store receipts? So important at the time and finally after a month or so I’ll end up throwing them away without even looking at them again.

Compulsive hoarding (or pathological collecting) is a pattern of behavior that is characterized by the excessive acquisition of and inability or unwillingness to discard large quantities of objects that cover the living areas of the home and cause significant distress or impairment. 

I’ve played with the idea over the last couple of months that physically, emotionally and intellectually we only have so much to give before we are bankrupt. Think about it when we have too many oars in the water emotionally and we find ourselves upset, worried, concerned, aggravated or frustrated about everything we can collect, in essence become emotional hoarders. It’s easy to develop patterns of taking on problems or becoming attached to issues that we have no room for. The hoarder sees objects in their daily routine that they feel are needed, hate to see disposed of or that they feel will be used someday. Emotional hoarders take possession of thoughts or ideas that often don’t support the true or better sense of self and often refuse to let go of the self-sabotaging belief systems. If we truly have an emotional bank account often the emotional funds are spent to pay off past emotional debt.

In addition the emotional hoarder has become addicted to obsessing about and processing painful thoughts, as messy as the mind has become some now find comfort in the chaos and turmoil of the emotional clutter stored. This again is because the emotional turmoil has become comfortable and the mind now believes this is solid ground and certain. As odd as it sounds the emotional hoarder will find issues to obsess over and find a false sense of comfort. The mind is looking for a way to prevent pain or trouble and often will process every possibility of past and future events. If that isn’t enough the emotional hoarder will take on another person’s issues or even find a reason to obsess over issues they see on TV or maybe hear when standing in line eaves dropping in the grocery store.

I remember watching Hoarders on television and seeing an older lady that slept on the floor surrounded by mountains of trash bags in her own home. Emotional hoarders begin to find a false sense of comfort and rest in mountains of emotional baggage and clutter that they are unwilling to let go of. 

To operate at our best and reach further our minds need room to brainstorm and discover possibilities. A clear mind sees the world differently than one full of the clutter the hoarder has accumulated. We often are surprised that an obvious idea or solution just falls out of the sky when in reality we haven’t been focused in a way that lends itself to goal setting or problem solving. Some forms of emotional clutter include;

Self-Limiting Beliefs- These beliefs keep the dreamer from moving forward. Some always have a reason why “they can’t”. You’re right if that’s where you chose to focus than you’re right “You can’t”. Focus can be shifted to possibilities and often with the right setting and dialogue you’ll see options and possibilities that you’ve never considered. This is whyCoaching works.

Worry- Usually tied to a future or unknown event. We tend to awfulize so we aren’t “blindsided”. Problem with this is we really don’t gain anything by worrying. For instance, My Cell Phone bill is due next Monday and I am strapped for cash after a recent trip to Tijuana. Does obsessing and worrying about how I’m going to pay the bill magically deposit funds into my account? Uh…No.

Regret-usually tied to a past event, these thoughts don’t pay the bills because more often than not the circumstance can’t be changed. Take the lesson learned and let it go.

Self-Sabotaging Beliefs- The belief that says “Don’t even try it, everything you touch turns to shit!”. Sure we’ve all had some failures and victories. There is no rule written in stone that says you’re doomed to fail. Take you’re unique strengths and gifts, ask for help in your weak areas and chase your dreams be relentless, change strategies if you stall but keep going.

Distrust- I hear this a lot, “My relationship would be better if I could trust my partner”. Often the issue is we don’t trust ourselves enough to know that no matter what life brings we will survive and we will bounce back every time we get knocked down. Without this core belief in oneself we often put too much pressure on other people who again we can’t control. 

A few ideas to de-clutter the mind of emotional accumulation.

• ·        Make a list of negative thoughts that impact you. This is the only time I will encourage a negative list. If there is something that somebody said or did in your past evaluate the event and next to that thought list any benefit of engaging that thought any further. I’m not saying you have to like any comment or event what I am suggesting is observing the thought, emotion or belief system determining if there is any benefit of holding on to it any longer. By being an observer you step out of the emotion and take on the role of an observer to determine what benefit there is. Seeing the clutter from an observing perspective can help sort out what is worth keeping. Let go of the emotional weight that that doesn’t serve the person or the life that you are creating.

• ·        Make a list of core beliefs that empower you, this list should include thoughts and beliefs that do indeed serve you and are not a waste of emotional energy. These are the beliefs about where you’re going in life, who you really are and what you value most. My clients and I spend a lot of time in this department because it gives a clear target to shoot for. “Live as if”

• ·        Become an emotional minimalist, as crazy as that sounds to make room for creativity and to live the most vibrant we don’t want to find ourselves bogged down with any extra weight emotionally. To be the most successful and operate at a high level in all areas of our lives we need to be in the “Zone”. The Zone consists of total engagement and presence in the moment. This focus brings out the best decisions and ideas for your most empowered life.

• ·        Lastly as we have built habits of obsessing and getting “stuck” in these emotional ruts, we have built some thought patterns that bring our focus to the problem or challenge repeatedly. Our energy is spent on clutter that really doesn’t serve any purpose except to take up space. We rehash the event or circumstance as it steals all vibrancy and energy we possess. In order to break free from this pattern we need to “detach”. We can do this while still loving those who have hurt us.  We acknowledge that we have no control over anything except for ourselves and we chose to take control of our lives once again. Yes we let go and affect our world from the inside out.

In closing we all possess the best ideas and solutions for our own personal challenges. Anything that we are successful with  in our lives took consistency to master. As your Coach our relationship will revolve around finding the best ideas and solutions then building a consistent road map to achieve the goals and dreams you have for your masterpiece. Dream big and demand more of yourself. De-clutter your mind and life to make room for the very best and most empowered life yet!

Be good to yourself,

e-

Vision and Dream Boards

Vision Boards and Dream boards are a collection of pictures, words, expressions and quotes collected and pasted or tacked to a board. This board represents the desires of the board builder. For some there might be everything from a positive quote to a brand new house. 

Law of Attraction practitioners believe we attract into our lives what we think about the most. For others it’s a way to visualize goals and set a target or a destination for what they strive for. The main point of the board is Visualization; this tool is helpful to stay inspired in the pursuit of goals and dreams. I look at mine several times a day. I like to visualize and feel what I imagine it would be like to have achieved all of the goals on my board. The importance of linking the feeling to the visualization is so the brain associates “Pleasure” with your dreams and goals. If we are of the mindset that our goals are going to be “too exhausting” or “unachievable” then why the heck would we ever commit physically or emotionally to something that makes us feel bad or overwhelmed?

Just like with any habit we build we want to build a habit of feeling our dreams and goals in present tense. There is that word again “Present”. Yes we want feel as though we already have achieved the goal. This is called outcome visualization where we visualize and feel the final outcome.

In addition process visualization is helpful also because we visualize the steps of path to get to the outcome, we also feel what it feels like to achieve and work through the process of our goals.

From a scientific standpoint our brains are like powerful computers that are programmed to get a job done. When we visualize it has been proven that we are in a sense programming our computers. 

“Research has shown with brain imagery that visualization works because neurons in our brains interpret imagery the same as real-life action. When we visualize an act, the brain generates an impulse that tells our neurons to "perform" the movement. This creates a new neural pathway -- clusters of cells in our brain that work together to create memories or learned behaviors -- that primes our body to act in a way consistent to what we imagined. All of this occurs without actually performing the physical activity, yet it achieves a similar result.” – Huffington Post

Your dream board doesn’t have to be anything fancy at all. Mine (you can see mine in the back ground in my video blogs) is a bulletin board with pictures and quotes thumb tacked to it. Mine includes a photo of my dream home in the mountains, My smiling kids, a new truck, happy clients, a 350” bull elk, a 30” Brown trout etc. I spend a few minutes several times a day visualizing both the process and the outcome.

This is one strategy to take the focus off of what we don’t have and focus on what we want in life. This practice helps up define on many levels where we are going. Have fun with this tool, dream big and shift focus away from the road blocks to the possibilities. 

As always I encourage you to put your goals and dreams into action, shift your focus. As a Life Coach my job is to help you articulate your ideas and facilitate the most intense creativity you have ever had. Albert Einstein said it best “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Stepping out of the boxes that we spend our lives building is key to moving past limiting belief systems. 

My name is Ernie Garcia, I am a Professional Divorce Recovery and Transition Coach. I strategize with people to find a firm footing and discover a new path after divorce or a life changing event by shifting focus to the present and the future.

Surviving the End of a Relationship Part 3- Emerging More Empowered and Determined than Ever. The Choice is yours…..

I wrote part III to this blog and rewrote it a few different times. My goal is for it to be helpful, inspiring and motivating but at the same time practical. In the end recovering from a break up or the end of any relationship is truly up to the commitment and determination of the individual that's looking to move forward after a crisis change has transpired. What I mean by a crisis change is one that has left a person in a terrible identity crisis, one that is brought uncertainty and shook the life of the individual to the core of their being. As stated in the previous blogs when a serious relationship (one where we are deeply emotionally invested) comes to an end it often can leave both partners in a serious state of uncertainty as its marks the end of plans, goals and dreams that you as a couple shared The relationship with all that it was not only defined you as a couple but also as individuals.

The single most empowering event is often the realization that this is a chance to improve yourself, improve your life and make new plans and goals. You “can” sit for years and reflect on the past and the woulda/shoulda scenarios. You can stay angry, you can place blame but ultimately the most powerful thing you can do is change your perspective to one that seizes this opportunity for massive and drastic improvement.  This is yet another opportunity to get to know yourself and decide what exactly you desire in every area of your life. If you hate uncertainty like most of us do then this is a time to pull out your secret weapon. Your secret weapon is you’re creativity and ability to dream. The time spent dwelling on what caused the end of the relationship isn’t a very good investment because nothing will give the opportunity to do anything different with past events. In relationships we are only in control of ourselves and our role. By embracing this fact  you will be able to take control of your life and your future.

Most won’t define what exactly they want, in my coaching practice I’m amazed at times by the reluctance to write out a “Life Plan” as ideas aren’t plans. Time spent trying hit a moving target floating around in your thoughts isn’t very efficient or economical with your emotions or time. Really you want to feel better about life and fast, Right? This only happens with “action”. But without a plan where do you focus your action? The time spent staring at the wall reflecting back isn’t time very well spent if you want to take control of your life and feel better anytime soon.

The faster you can accept the end and come to terms with the fact that your life will never be the same again the sooner your efforts to move forward will become more effective. Yes in most of these situations we are left with a certain amount of hurt and resentment. Some might be saying right now, Ernie you don’t understand, this person was everything to me, we had so many plans, and nobody understood me like this person. I do understand, I understand that your frequencies and vibrations were the same for a time and somewhere along the way that all changed getting you to this point. I understand that YOUR WORLD HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I understand that feeling like this is emotionally draining and nobody likes feeling like this a minute more than they have to.

The good news is by dedicating your time and making a commitment to yourself you can become stronger and happier than ever before. Perspective and decision are so powerful and by changing perspective we can effectively view this horrible loss as an opportunity. But opportunity is worthless without defining what you want. Defining what you want is worthless without action and action is worthless without consistency and commitment. You see nobody can stop you now; the only way you will fail is if you give up and decide to take the path of least resistance..

·        Acceptance- You don’t have to like it or agree with it but refusing to accept the circumstances that led to this change in your life will hold you back and keep you from moving forward or finding long term happiness more than anything else. Embrace the change, as crazy as it sounds change is happening might as well steer the ship.

·        Perspective- A shift in perspective will help how you view this change in a way that serves you and your happiness best. Instead of focusing on all that was lost spend time focusing on what you still have. View this change as an opportunity to emerge stronger, happier and more empowered than ever. You’re going to be even sexier and more attractive when the time comes to give somebody else your heart. You’re going to know without a doubt that you can be happy and strong as an individual and your ability to be either of those two things doesn’t depend on anything external such as a relationship. In reality your sense of self is tremendously affected by what you believe about yourself. The trick to adjusting your perspective about the change you’ve experienced is to find reasons to feel good about yourself. Make changes that you feel good about. As time goes by you will learn to trust that no matter what happens or what anybody else says or does YOU will be able to figure out what is next, you always find a way, you always survive, you always land on your feet. This concept is liberating because you trust and believe in yourself.

·        Action- In theory all of this is good stuff but like I tell my coaching clients “you have to do the work”. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Time will dull the discomfort but really how much control of your life do you have if you’re just waiting for time to heal all wounds or waiting for time to improve your life? Take action; rid yourself of any thought, person or thing that doesn’t serve your sense of self. This sounds selfish and it is because I am asking you to take care of you, love yourself, build yourself up and take massive action to put the past behind and create a better more fulfilling reality.

To conclude the choice is yours to suffer until the pain dulls itself away or use this experience as a milestone and turning point to emerge the most empowered and best you. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Turn every “why I can’t” into “why I can” statements and then “what can I do today” to get closer to your dream life. I’d bet somewhere along the way somebody or something new will join you on this new journey.

My name is Ernie Garcia, I am a Professional DivorceRecovery and Transition Coach. I help people find a firm footing and discover a new path after divorce or a life changing event by focusing on the present and the future.

Be good to yourself!

e-