Saying all of that to say this……
As I get ready to say goodbye to the year 2012 and enter 2013 I find myself reflecting about the highs and lows that the present year has brought. I think about the tremendous successes that I've had, the growth, the healing that took place and all the knowledge I've gained.
My life was transformed in such a way that looking back I can't even believe that the old life was actually mine. There were many lessons in the old life that made the person that I am today but there was also a lot of pain. But pain was the catalyst for change and is our natural “compass” so to speak that advises us to go another direction.
You see I took ownership of somebody else’s life controlling problem (which is a really nice way of saying the word addiction). I thought I was doing the right thing but when we take ownership and make somebody else’s problems our own even though we think we’re doing it out of love we are actually easing the painful consequences that come from the reckless behavior. We in essence rob the other person of the compass, the catalyst for change. We then confuse love with enablement.
My reasons for trying to help were selfish also because I wanted to ease the pain that I felt while watching this person destroy herself, her life and hurt so many around her. In the end I found my way and realized I was trying to save somebody that didn’t want to be saved. More times than not there is a deep underlying issue (or many) buried deep inside the addict and numbing that pain even for a short time is sometimes worth all the insane consequences and hurt in their clouded minds.
The duration of time spent on the pathway of the addicts destruction is up to the individuals affected. My duration was around 18 months and included arrests, car wrecks, lies and just about anything else that comes to mind. For a long time I wouldn’t reveal what happened, I would’ve rather lied about it. But the coward named addiction hides in the lies and denial of the addict and their loved ones. So my mantra now days if you will is; “F@(k you addiction, I’m not afraid of you and have vowed to Coach and write to help as many people transitioning out of situations similar to what I went through as I can.” Anybody that picks up the pieces and moves forward after a life altering event like that or worse is a warrior in my eyes and I have vowed to give the rest of my life to Coaching and Supporting them.
In the end I walked, I chose to save myself, my children and what was left of my life. I gave all my energies to becoming as clear as I could. I put together a plan starting at the end. I mapped out where I wanted to go by the end of 2012 and listed Milestones or steps to get there. I broke up this plan into small, measurable pieces so it didn’t seem so overwhelming. The first few weeks were the most difficult. I used the illustration of rolling a huge boulder up a hill knowing that when I got it to the top and released it the weight and momentum of my huge plans would roll powerfully and effortlessly while collecting speed down the other side of the hill.
It's amazing how much your life can change the during course of the year. I use the term New Year's resolution lightly because I believe that we have the ability to make resolutions every single day. Anything that isn't growing is actually dying when you think about it. When you see a tree without leaves during the summer it's usually dead because trees don't stay dormant during the summer. I look at it like every day is a summer day and we have a chance to thrive, a chance to grow, a chance to improve and chance to be happier than we've ever been before.
Many find themselves in a similar precarious situation, no they might not be living with an addict but they know that something needs to give, something needs to change or maybe an uncontrollable change has happened to them. We sometimes find ourselves (often more than once) in a transitional phase. Chances are if you’re already thinking “change” then change is already happening. The course you decide to take into this New Year is up to you. Don’t be disillusioned and attempt to write the same story with different characters or places. Its time to throw all caution to the wind and go for broke!
History is full of people who have stood up to uncertainty, threw caution to the wind and went for it. If you burn inside to own your own business then visualize what it would be like to do it, feel the “Pleasure it brings and associate that pleasure with your plan. Break down the steps to attain the goal. Dream big! Huge corporations didn’t start off huge but they did one thing that so many fail to do. They started! Yes get started!
See Pain and Pleasure drive all of our decisions in life. We move away from Pain and Gravitate towards Pleasure. Whatever we associate with Pleasure is what we will gravitate towards. It’s important that we associate Pleasure to things or people who serve our best interests and sense of self. People with life controlling problems like the one mentioned earlier associate Pleasure with the feeling they get by numbing their emotional pain with chemicals. This is why addiction is so hard to overcome.
“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” -Tony Robbins
I see so many people making tons of money in a crap economy, they’re not lucky, NO! They’re innovative. They’ve harnessed their creativity; they’ve tapped into their talents/passions and made bold moves to better their lives and fill the voids. These same principles apply in every area of our lives. We fail to organize our ideas and turn them into plans. We continuously try to hit a moving target instead of defining what it is that we really want out of life. Decide! Dig deep and pin point what will fill that void of discontentment within you.
If you’ve already determined this and are operating in your passion and “calling” then reach out and help others. To change this world we need to start taking care of each other again.
My friends I challenge you to make 2013 the best year yet for yourself, your family and friends. Dream big, get started, make a plan, set goals, and move forward. Inches turn into feet and feet turn into yards, yards then turn into miles but we don’t get any place without taking the first step.
I am looking for world changers, warriors and people ready to step into the power that lies within. If this is you I will partner with you, we will brainstorm and strategize to find the best course of “Action” to get you where you want to go. I have a limited amount of slots available going into 2013 so don’t hesitate to contact me right away.
The clock is ticking before you know it we’ll be facing 2014 and beyond. Happy New Year Friends! Thanks so much for all of your love and support. You’ve got this!
My name is Ernie Garcia I am a Transitional Coach, I help people in ruts move forward and make their dreams real after a life changing event.
Be Good to Yourself!