Monday, December 31, 2012

Saying all of that to say this……

 Saying all of that to say this…… 

As I get ready to say goodbye to the year 2012 and enter 2013 I find myself reflecting about the highs and lows that the present year has brought. I think about the tremendous successes that I've had, the growth, the healing that took place and all the knowledge I've gained.

 My life was transformed in such a way that looking back I can't even believe that the old life was actually mine. There were many lessons in the old life that made the person that I am today but there was also a lot of pain. But pain was the catalyst for change and is our natural “compass” so to speak that advises us to go another direction.

You see I took ownership of somebody else’s life controlling problem (which is a really nice way of saying the word addiction). I thought I was doing the right thing but when we take ownership and make somebody else’s problems our own even though we think we’re doing it out of love we are actually easing the painful consequences that come from the reckless behavior. We in essence rob the other person of the compass, the catalyst for change. We then confuse love with enablement.

My reasons for trying to help were selfish also because I wanted to ease the pain that I felt while watching this person destroy herself, her life and hurt so many around her. In the end I found my way and realized I was trying to save somebody that didn’t want to be saved. More times than not there is a deep underlying issue (or many) buried deep inside the addict and numbing that pain even for a short time is sometimes worth all the insane consequences and hurt in their clouded minds.

The duration of time spent on the pathway of the addicts destruction is up to the individuals affected. My duration was around 18 months and included arrests, car wrecks, lies and just about anything else that comes to mind. For a long time I wouldn’t reveal what happened, I would’ve rather lied about it. But the coward named addiction hides in the lies and denial of the addict and their loved ones. So my mantra now days if you will is; “F@(k you addiction, I’m not afraid of you and have vowed to Coach and write to help as many people transitioning out of situations similar to what I went through as I can.” Anybody that picks up the pieces and moves forward after a life altering event like that or worse is a warrior in my eyes and I have vowed to give the rest of my life to Coaching and Supporting them.

In the end I walked, I chose to save myself, my children and what was left of my life. I gave all my energies to becoming as clear as I could. I put together a plan starting at the end. I mapped out where I wanted to go by the end of 2012 and listed Milestones or steps to get there. I broke up this plan into small, measurable pieces so it didn’t seem so overwhelming. The first few weeks were the most difficult. I used the illustration of rolling a huge boulder up a hill knowing that when I got it to the top and released it the weight and momentum of my huge plans would roll powerfully and effortlessly while collecting speed down the other side of the hill.

 It's amazing how much your life can change the during course of the year. I use the term New Year's resolution lightly because I believe that we have the ability to make resolutions every single day. Anything that isn't growing is actually dying when you think about it. When you see a tree without leaves during the summer it's usually dead because trees don't stay dormant during the summer. I look at it like every day is a summer day and we have a chance to thrive, a chance to grow, a chance to improve and chance to be happier than we've ever been before.

 Many find themselves in a similar precarious situation, no they might not be living with an addict but they know that something needs to give, something needs to change or maybe an uncontrollable change has happened to them. We sometimes find ourselves (often more than once) in a transitional phase. Chances are if you’re already thinking “change” then change is already happening. The course you decide to take into this New Year is up to you. Don’t be disillusioned and attempt to write the same story with different characters or places. Its time to throw all caution to the wind and go for broke!

History is full of people who have stood up to uncertainty, threw caution to the wind and went for it. If you burn inside to own your own business then visualize what it would be like to do it, feel the “Pleasure it brings and associate that pleasure with your plan. Break down the steps to attain the goal. Dream big! Huge corporations didn’t start off huge but they did one thing that so many fail to do. They started! Yes get started!

See Pain and Pleasure drive all of our decisions in life. We move away from Pain and Gravitate towards Pleasure. Whatever we associate with Pleasure is what we will gravitate towards. It’s important that we associate Pleasure to things or people who serve our best interests and sense of self. People with life controlling problems like the one mentioned earlier associate Pleasure with the feeling they get by numbing their emotional pain with chemicals. This is why addiction is so hard to overcome.

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” -Tony Robbins

 I see so many people making tons of money in a crap economy, they’re not lucky, NO! They’re innovative. They’ve harnessed their creativity; they’ve tapped into their talents/passions and made bold moves to better their lives and fill the voids. These same principles apply in every area of our lives. We fail to organize our ideas and turn them into plans. We continuously try to hit a moving target instead of defining what it is that we really want out of life. Decide! Dig deep and pin point what will fill that void of discontentment within you.

 If you’ve already determined this and are operating in your passion and “calling” then reach out and help others. To change this world we need to start taking care of each other again.

My friends I challenge you to make 2013 the best year yet for yourself, your family and friends. Dream big, get started, make a plan, set goals, and move forward. Inches turn into feet and feet turn into yards, yards then turn into miles but we don’t get any place without taking the first step.

I am looking for world changers, warriors and people ready to step into the power that lies within. If this is you I will partner with you, we will brainstorm and strategize to find the best course of “Action” to get you where you want to go. I have a limited amount of slots available going into 2013 so don’t hesitate to contact me right away.

The clock is ticking before you know it we’ll be facing 2014 and beyond. Happy New Year Friends! Thanks so much for all of your love and support. You’ve got this!

My name is Ernie Garcia I am a Transitional Coach, I help people in ruts move forward and make their dreams real after a life changing event.

Be Good to Yourself!


Monday, December 3, 2012

Beating doom and gloom during the holidays.

Beating doom and gloom during the holidays.

With the holidays here so many people find themselves in a holiday funk. The holidays sometimes mark the end of a tough year or we find ourselves reminiscing to a past era and people or places that were once in our lives. I know for me personally this Christmas season marks the end of a bitter sweet year. One where there were many losses and also one where the biggest shift and transformation in my life also took place. In the end this was a victorious year for me but I personally can’t wait for 2013. 

The New Year is setting up to be one of the best years ever for me. After feeling as though I had lost my entire life, personality, confidence and self-esteem at one point it’s definitely time to turn the page on 2012.

Yes! You read that right, I found myself early in 2012 in one of the ugliest places I have ever been. I never fantasized about death before ever until this time. It wasn’t that I had contemplated suicide but I found myself wondering if I died in a car wreck or crossing the street if things would just be better. Maybe the pain would stop or the frustration would end.

I hit rock bottom in a sense and no amount of positive thought or fight could get me out of the funk I was in. I hated so many things I had experienced in life; mostly the failures. I misconstrued this to mean that I was a failure. I thought of my kids thinking that they deserved a better Daddy, one that wasn’t a failure. Crazy stuff because honestly I am their hero but when we’re off emotionally we tend to tell ourselves all sorts of lies.

Ah……enough of that shit! Right??

2012 was also a year of self-realization that I was in control of many more things than I even knew. I was one decision away from the beginning of turning things around in so many areas. Decision is powerful but taking massive action starts the momentum. Momentum is needed to keep the ball rolling in the right direction based on where we want to go. We fail because we lack consistency.
Why do we lack consistency when it comes to making our lives what we want them to be? I believe some of the reasons are.

We lose energy

We lose motivation

We take the path of least resistance

We don’t know when to throw in the towel and do something different.

We link pain with making changes instead of focusing on the pleasure that will come in the long term.

We fail to break the limiting patterns.

We hate uncertainty and will often stay in the same place rather then throw all caution to the wind and make massive change.

You’re probably asking “What the heck does this have to do with the holiday blues Ernesto?” Well I know for some that the holidays represent the end of the year, another year of unfulfilled plans and hopes. For others the holiday season represents an idea. It’s tough when we dream of a season with family and with a significant other and due to circumstances our expectations aren’t reality. In our modern culture we have broken families and so many single parents. Not to mention that we could’ve experienced significant loss during the course of the year also and now were facing our first holiday without__________.

With that said the Holidays also represent an ending for those that find themselves with the holiday blues but interestingly enough the same holidays also represent a beginning. What is it the beginning of? This is where we have a choice, to Author the book or be an observer. We can create our lives or watch our lives unfold. 

Every holiday season will be unique, it is important to put the pieces in place as we begin to author a new story for 2013 and beyond. I am hopeful that when we look back from Christmas 2013 that we will remember Christmas 2012 as a mark for new beginnings. Yes my own circumstances for this Christmas season surely aren’t where I expected to find myself but at the same time I am so excited about where my life is headed going into the future. As I have seen so many areas of my life come together quickly I know that the other areas are about to burst at the seams with prosperity and happiness as I take steps to improve those as well.

In conclusion I would encourage anybody reading this that is blue to consider the following.
Take time in the next few days to reflect and accept whatever circumstance there is that you wish was different and making you blue. Once you have owned the past and accepted the circumstance its time to move forward, dream big and write a new story. Knowing and clearly defining what you want is step one. By doing this we establish a target to shoot at instead of using the ole’ trial and error method. An idea becomes a plan once it’s put on paper. Write out what you want your life to look like, describe it in writing. Be very specific. Once it’s written out were ready to evaluate the steps we can take immediately and steps that will follow after. The important thing is to gain momentum, the fear of the unknown is what keeps most people from diving in but soon with consistency the momentum builds and the process almost becomes effortless. 

Use this time of endings and beginnings to rewrite your story, set a time frame and get to work. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want put all your focus and energy on what you DO want. Kick start your new story now and get this thing rolling!.

Happy Holidays!
Be good to yourself!