Thursday, January 10, 2013

Surviving The End of a Relationship Part 2

The neutral zone is the time period after a crisis change has occurred and has been acknowledged emotionally. In this case it’s the End of a Relationship. This is a time for reflecting, a time where healing has begun and moving forward is becoming a reality. Obviously when we find ourselves in Neutral Zone we can experience a whole array of feelings including despair, disappointment, betrayal and grief but at the same time experience excitement, optimism, creativity and determination. For some the feelings of despair and grief can become so overwhelming that the urge to restore the broken relationship seems like the only logical solution to relieve the pain. In some cases this isn’t an option once the relationship has been terminated. In cases where it is an option it’s important to do a self-analysis and determine what is driving that urge. It might seem as though restoring the relationship is “the only thing” that will stop the heart break. This in reality is an illusion.

Whether that option is open or not it’s important to define what the ending means, define what has ended and what hasn’t, respect the past, acknowledge the ending openly and take a small piece of the old story with you as you author a new story. By taking the path of least resistance some gravitate back to the old story and when the old characters and places are no longer available they replace the old characters and places but write the old story all over again. The better option is the embrace disenchantment, acknowledge what circumstances haven’t served you well in the past, throw all caution to the wind and create a new story with new characters, places and events. 

Pain and pleasure drive all behavior, while acknowledging that the end of the relationship has been painful even in situations where the end was necessary and possibly the only option; we have to be mindful that restoring the old story may possibly be traveling the path of least resistance. It may bring temporary relief however if changes in habits and patterns aren’t reprogrammed by both parties the “old story” will eventually be relived. The myth goes something like this; “there is a perfect choice or answer”. The illusion tells us that the perfect choice will solve all of the problems.

While in the Neutral Zone we must define and map the new story, the neutral zone is the time to self-analyze and determine what serves us well and what doesn’t. We leave what is broken behind and keep what is working and move forward. Remember our thoughts generate our feelings and we become what we feel. If the thoughts and questions that consume our minds don’t promote a greater sense of self then changing beliefs is necessary, we need to begin thinking better thoughts about ourselves and asking better questions. Reminding ourselves continuously about our failures will only breed more failure. Those failures are also lessons and catalysts for change and should be perceived as such. Acknowledge failures but reinforce the fact that our past failures have no ability to define us unless we make the decision to be defined by them. That simple principle is a simple recipe creating the new story.  Also this is a time to determine what your legacy is in advance. Log your neutral zone experience, brainstorm, dream big and prepare for a new journey. What would be unfinished or what dream unlived if your life ended today? Determine your legacy.

The Neutral Zone is a time for you, a time to reflect and a time to dream. Remember with every end is a beginning. In Part 3 we’ll explore the “New Beginning” and not only surviving the end of a relationship but emerging empowered and determined like never before to achieve what you never dreamed was possible.

I am currently writing an eBook  that will be a lot more in depth than is possible to blog. If you find yourself drowning in divorce or a break up and could use a partner to assist you in strategizing your emergence from this life changing event please visit my website and contact me for a powerful complimentary strategizing session. 

Part 3: Emerging Empowered and Determined coming soon.
As always be good to yourself!

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